"Well, Professor, I'm afraid I don't have good news for you," Doctor Marcus shook his head that morning, after the check up.
"Wait..." Lafayette sighed. "Could you call my wife in, please?"
"Of course," Marcus nodded, surprised. "But you never wanted..." He got up, nonetheless.
"I know," Lafayette told him. "But I do now."
Samantha entered the room and stood behind his chair, with her hand on his shoulder. Lafayette kissed her palm and held it.
"Well?" he asked the doctor.
"Cardiodamine is not working well anymore. I may increase the dosage but..."
"But it won't last long, either," Lafayette finished for him. He remembered enough about medicine to have a pretty good idea where this was going to.
"No, it won't," Marcus confirmed with a sigh. "I will have to prescribe Amphecardiac, I'm afraid."
"Will this make him feel better?" Samantha asked.
"Sam..." Lafayette turned to her. "Amphecardiac is a dangerous drug," he explained. "It's... well, first of all, it's highly addictive. It's a derivative from an ancient drug called Amphetamine."
"Does it mean I'm going to have a drugged husband from now on?" she laughed. She didn't understand what it meant. She couldn't have.
"Until the day I die," he told her softly. "I won't be able to stop using it. Maybe, if I were younger... but I doubt I could withstand the withdrawal in my condition... Doctor?"
"No, I wouldn't risk it," Marcus nodded.
"So what?" Samantha shrugged. "If it will help you?"
"It should... but, there's more."
"What?"
"Well, for one, I... I won't be able to make love to you anymore," he told her softly.
"It doesn't always have such dangerous effect..."
"Doctor, please," Lafayette interrupted him. "Let's be realistic here. Not at my age..."
"Honey," Samantha bent over to kiss him on the head. "You know I don't care. As long as it's a choice between your health and pleasure..."
Lafayette laughed bitterly. "Oh, Sam," he looked up at her, stroking her hand. "If it was a choice between health and pleasure, I wouldn't have any doubts. But in this case, I'm afraid the choice is between my life and pleasure."
"Even more so," she said firmly.
Marcus shot him a questioning look but Lafayette shook his head discreetly. "When do you recommend I start the therapy?" he asked lightly.
"I think I can leave it up to you," the doctor told him. "Cardiodamine may still help you a little, you'll know when it's not enough anymore..."
Lafayette nodded. "But I guess it's more a question of weeks than months now?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I'll leave the recipe for your converters. And, of course, call me if you need anything."
"Thank you, Doctor," Lafayette nodded, taking the notepad from him.
When he left, he turned his chair to look at Samantha.
"There is something else," he said softly. "I thought it would be better if you heard it from me."
"What is it?" Samantha sat on the bed, feeling that she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.
"Amphecardiac is only used as a last resort, when nothing else helps..."
"So?"
"So... patients don't survive this therapy for very long..."
"Pierre?!"
"I'm sorry," he whispered as she fell on her knees and wrapped her arms around him. He bent down and kissed her hair. "We may still have a few years..."
"How many?" she asked through gritted teeth. "Two? Five? Eight?"
"I don't know, my dear. I really don't know..."
* * *
Lafayette was sitting at his desk in the bedroom when he felt the pain. He knew Cardiodamine wouldn't help him anymore but he still tried. No, it didn't go away, only his breathing was a little less forced. But it was going to change soon unless...
"Oaghh!" he moaned, paralyzed with pain. "Sam!" he tried to call but his voice wasn't loud enough. He tried to navigate his chair but he couldn't concentrate on the controls. "Sam!" he tried again. "Help me..."
Samantha entered the room a few minutes later. "I was outside looking... Pierre!" she jumped to lift him from the desk. He was on the verge of losing consciousness but he was still looking at her. Samantha quickly turned around to see the empty pressure injector and she understood immediately.
"Amphecardiac?" she asked him.
Lafayette blinked his eyes.
"I'm on it," she said calmly, already on her way to the converter. But she stopped. "Pierre!" she cried out to him. "How much? You never told me how much?!"
He couldn't speak anymore. When Sam got back closer to him he only managed to lift two fingers of his right hand.
"Two cc's?" she asked.
He blinked again.
When she gave him the injection, he relaxed almost instantly.
"Oh," she sighed, relieved. "It works faster."
"Yeah," Lafayette said slowly, raising his head from the rest. "A miracle cure..."
"Well, what now?" Samantha leaned on the desk and looked at him.
"Now? You give me the next injection in the evening and then, if I'm still alive, in the morning..."
His speech was blurred and slower than usual. When he raised his head, she noticed that his eyes were glassy. A pleased smile, that crawled on his lips, scared her.
"Pierre?" she reached out to touch his cheek.
"That's... alright," he tilted his head under her touch. "I told you it's a drug," he looked at her with unfocused eyes.
"Are you... are you going to be like that all the time now?" she asked.
"No... unfortunately, the effect will wear off... in a couple of hours. Don't worry, I'll get used to it, too. Of course, then, you'll have to increase the dosage... until I'm done."
"Don't say that," Samantha swallowed her tears.
"It's true..." he took her hand and started kissing it slowly, moving his lips from her wrist upwards. She shivered.
"Pierre..."
"Mhm?"
"You said you won't be able to..."
"Yeah," he let go of her hand reluctantly. "I can't. But I'd love to, dear," he winked at her.
"Does this mean we can't even...?"
"I have to avoid all excitement," he replied. He was still tottering slightly in his chair, as if he was drunk and couldn't sit straight. "You see, I'm feeling great now," he explained in his sluggish voice. "But that's artificial. My heart... is still weak. The drug... it doesn't really cure, you know. It just... masks the symptoms and prolongs the... inevitable."
"Honey..." she bent over to kiss him but he moved away.
"Stop it!" he snapped at her unexpectedly, with such anger that it startled her. "I'm... sorry," he said quieter. "One more thing... I should tell you. That now, I'll be prone to... mood swings. Even more than usual..."
* * *
"And how are you coping with it?" Joanna asked her two months later. They had just arrived and were waiting in the living room until Lafayette wakes up.
Samantha struggled to keep herself in check, not to show her desperation but one look at her was enough to see that she was at her wit's end.
"Oh," she sighed, looking away. "It's a real roller-coaster, you know? Immediately after the injection, he's so happy and funny and energetic... for about two hours. Then, if I don't manage to put him to sleep, he just... collapses in an instant. And then, he wakes up depressed or angry... Until he gets the next shot and it starts all over again."
Joanna shook her head. "I can only imagine how hard it must be for you..." she said with sympathy.
"Hard? Yeah, it is hard. In a way, it's even worse than when he was drinking, you know?" Samantha couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Then at least, I could believe that one day he'll stop, that it'll get better. And he was still strong, there was hope... now... it's just..."
Joanna hugged her when she couldn't speak anymore. "I may be able to help him," she told her quietly.
* * *
"An operation?" Lafayette raised his eyebrows in utter disbelief.
"Pierre, I won't lie to you," Joanna sighed. "This is an experimental procedure. But, I contacted Professor Kneeler and sent him your files. He believes you qualify."
"As a guinea-pig?"
"It's already approved by the Fleet Medical. We've completed the research and the results are amazing. We just..."
"No." Lafayette shook his head firmly.
"Pierre," Samantha said quietly. "Listen to her, please..."
"If this works," Joanna continued. "You'll be as good as new. We could virtually give you a new heart..."
"We?" Lafayette asked. He was sitting in his wheelchair, in front of the women on the couch. He turned it around now not to face them. "Does this mean you're involved, too?"
"Yes," Joanna nodded. "I'm doing a specialization in immunology and that's an important part of the whole thing. You see," she added when he didn't reply. "We can't replicate living tissue but we have found a way to clone the healthy cells and then grate them onto..."
"I said no!" he interrupted her suddenly. "I don't want you to experiment on me!"
"Pierre..." Joanna wanted to say something but he started his chair and was already headed out of the room. She made a move as if she wanted to get up but she just sighed and fell back on the couch, watching him disappear in the corridor.
"Give him some time," Samantha told her, quietly. "It wasn't the best moment to approach him anyway. Try talking to him after the injection."
"No," Joanna shook her head. "He's right. It's very risky and he realizes it better than you do..."
"What... what happens if you don't succeed?" Samantha forced herself to ask.
Joanna looked straight into her  eyes. "He dies," she only said.
* * *
After lunch, which passed rather silently as none of them were in the mood for talking a lot, it  was time for Lafayette's injection. Samantha took him upstairs while Joanna waited with Pierre in the living room.
"You believe it can work, don't you?" he asked, sitting beside her on the couch.
"I... I really don't know," she sighed, putting her head on his shoulder. "I only know that as it is now, he won't survive a year. I'm sure he knows it, too, he's just afraid to trade it for a slim chance of recovery and I can't say I blame him... On the other hand, if it worked, he could live for another ten, maybe fifteen years. And lead a normal life... well, relatively, that is..."
A loud thump interrupted her.
She looked up, terrified and jumped to her feet in an instant, heading for the stairs. It sounded like something heavy hit the floor in the bedroom. Something like… a human body.
"Pierre!" she already had a scanner in her hand the moment she opened the door and saw him spread on the floor, next to the bed.
"I... I didn't manage..." Samantha tried to explain, making room for her, but Joanna wasn't listening, busy with the readings.
"Give me one more cc of Amphecardiac," she shot at her.
"But..."
"Do it!"
Samantha jumped up to the converter and handed her the syringe in a few seconds. The moment she pressed the trigger, Lafayette opened his eyes and sighed with delight.
"Ooahh... what a... nice surprise," he muttered, sitting up slowly. "My dear Doctor... you're priceless," he smiled at her, leaning his back on the bed.
"How do you feel?" Joanna asked, still scanning him and ignoring his dazedness.
"I feel... stoned..."
"Help me, please," she turned to Samantha, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. Samantha did the same from the other side and they managed to lift him and sit him on the bed. He swayed, unable to sit on his own so Joanna gently lowered him on the pillows while Sam placed his legs up on the bed.
Lafayette wanted to say something but his eyelids fluttered and he drifted away into a stupor sleep.
"I'm not an expert here," Joanna turned to Sam, who was sitting behind her on the bed, terrified. "But it looks like you should have increased the dosage already a few days ago."
"I..." she looked at her helplessly. "He didn't tell me to... I thought he was controlling it..."
"Sammy," Joanna told her softly. "He's not controlling anything anymore. Most of the time, he doesn't even fully realize what's happening to him."
"I know but... I thought..."
"That's okay, come on, let him rest now," Joanna got up and ushered her to the door. "He knows that every time you increase the dosage, it's irreversible," she told her when they got down. "I guess he was trying to postpone it for as long as possible. You need to be in contact with his doctor and coordinate with him."
"I will," Samantha promised solemnly, falling down on the couch. "Oh, I will..."
"Sam," Pierre came up to her and put his arm around her shoulders. "You're very brave..."
"I... I just..." she couldn't help it anymore. She curled up and burst out with tears. Pierre looked sadly at his wife over her head and, when Joanna nodded, he put Samantha's head on his chest and hugged her, stroking her back as if he was hushing a child.
* * *
An hour later, Samantha was still sleeping on the couch, exhausted. When Lafayette called her from the bedroom, Joanna went upstairs instead.
"How do you feel now?" she asked him.
"Just great, thanks," he replied more coherently now. Apparently, the drug effect was wearing off and Joanna decided to talk to him once again.
"Listen," she said, sitting on the bed. "You'll be on 3 cc's from now on, three times a day. But you will need more soon."
"I know."
"And we both know where this leads..."
"Joanna," he sat up in the bed, propping his back on the pillows. "I realize my condition as well as you do. But... can I ask you something?"
"Of course," she smiled at him warmly. "Anything."
"Don't tell... Sam... she doesn't know..."
"What?"
"That it's a matter of months already," he shook his head sadly. "She believes... that I'll be around longer. I..." he sighed. "I didn't have the heart to tell her."
"I understand..."
"She... oh, I don't know. It may be easier for her if she knew she won't have to... bear it for so long, but..."
"Don't say it, Pierre," Joanna told him softly, touching his hand. "She loves you."
"I know she does. That's why it hurts her to see me like that. I..."
"Think about that operation," she interrupted him gently. "You know I can't guarantee anything but it really looks like your last chance. If you decide tomorrow, we could take you to Med Base 15 with us."
"But..."
"I'll leave you some materials," she said, taking a notepad from her pocket and putting it on the shelf over the bed. "Read them when you feel better, see for yourself. I really think it's worth a shot and you know I love you, too," she added, smiling at him. "I wouldn't risk your life for a career achievement."
"I know..."
"Amphecardiac is killing you almost as fast as your own heart, darling."
"I know that," he said again. "But, even if this succeeds... I'll still be addicted?"
"No," she shook her head. "Twenty years ago it was impossible but now we know how to reverse the effect. You could be back to normal. Well, not entirely, this is no miracle, of course. We won't make you young again. But we'll remove the dead tissue and the cloned parts will be less prone to necrosis. If you take good care of yourself, you may still be able to play with the parats again, one day..."
* * *
"Sam..." Lafayette said softly when they were getting ready to bed that night.
"Yes, honey?"
"I... I don't know what to do," he whispered.
She stopped on her way to the bathroom and got back to sit on the bed in front of him.
"I'm scared..." he looked up at her.
"I know, dear," she took his hand and kissed it. "I know."
"She... she left me the papers... Oh, I can't think straight anymore!" he complained helplessly. "I don't even understand what I'm reading..."
Samantha reached out to wipe the tears from his cheeks but he didn't notice it.
"I... I'm sorry for being such a pest," he sobbed helplessly.
"Oh, you're not a pest, honey," she bit her lip not to cry with him. She got up and sat in his lap, hugging him gently. "I love you."
"Do you think I should do it?" he asked, hiding his face in her hair.
"I don't know, honey. I'm just as scared as you are. I don't want to lose you... but... maybe she's right? Maybe it's a chance for you? For us?"
"I... I won't survive much longer anyway... and this is killing both of us. I see how tired you are."
"Don't worry about me, dear. I'm okay."
"No, you're not. You think I don't notice? Oh, Sam..."
* * *
"Sam?" Even before he opened up his eyes after the operation, Lafayette called his wife. "Sammy?"
"Pierre," Joanna bent over his bed. "It's me..."
He looked at her. "Where's Sam?"
"She's resting..."
"What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing," Joanna assured him, looking over at the monitors." Your operation lasted over twelve hours and she insisted to be here all the time. Pierre took her to the hotel to get some rest."
"Pierre...?"
"My husband..." She shot him a worried look.
"I know." Lafayette managed a weak smile.
"How do you feel?"
"Weak... sore... but... fully conscious."
"And so you are." She laughed quietly. "Welcome back."
"Thank you, my dear. You saved my life again."

 

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Part 16 Addiction

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